Personal Update with Penny

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Penny is officially one month old now and I couldn’t be more proud of how well she is doing. I am torn between feeling excitement and a sense of sadness as she progresses. I am excited to see how and who she develops into but sad because I don’t want her to grow up too fast. I can’t wait to hear her first little giggle, the first time she tries to stand up by herself, the first time she truly smiles, her first word, when she develops likes and dislikes towards things. Having a kid is truly like having your heart run around outside of your body as you watch it.

Not everything has gone smoothly. I’ve had to adjust in so many ways along with Penny having to as well. She was born with a severe short frenulum under her tongue which made things extremely difficult for her to nurse well which caused excruciating pain for me. Not only was it painful but it made me feel like I wasn’t being a good mother. I felt like I couldn’t give her what I am supposed to be able to. We have been meeting with a lactation nurse once a week who is absolutely wonderful and helped us in so many ways. We rented a hospital grade breast pump for two weeks to help me out. I have been pumping and bottle feeding her breast milk up until a week ago! After her surgery she is getting better at being able to nurse. She still has to make adjustments and get used to it again so it’s not as easy, but we are progressing in the right direction. Just staying dedicated to breastfeeding!

I love waking up in the middle of the night with Penny. When her little cries sound out to feed her, comfort her, or just to cuddle with her and rock her back to sleep. I know she won’t stay little forever so I am trying my hardest to savor these moments the best that I know how to.

Penny gave my life meaning. A sense of fulfillment. She sealed up the last empty sliver of my heart and made it full. Life just makes sense when you have a baby to care for. It’s an indescribable feeling, but it is pure and utter enjoyment.

Being a mom is the best gift I could have ever asked for.Β Messy hair, dirty laundry, chaotic house, No sleep, stinky diapers, baby cries, constant pumping, and little time to eat. Even through all of that, I still wouldn’t trade my life for the world because the people in it are the world.

Right now Penny is starting to fill out and put on weight. She was born tiny at 6 pounds and 6 ounces. She smiles when you say I love you and she loves bouncing and being rocked to sleep. I found out today that she loves classical music and instrumental music. I love learning all about her! She also lives fuzzy blankets! 😌

I can’t believe she’s a month already!


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  • N.J.
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